Keepin it Real

As any artist can tell you, there is a tremendous amount of self-promotion required to be successful in today’s marketplace. I grow concerned that all this puffery will go to our heads, and I want everyone to know that I’m “keepin it real” so here’s a list of the top things that suck about me….

1. Most music comes from the heart, mine comes from my pancreas
2. My face
3. When I strain to sing really high notes, I pee a little
4. I clip my toenails on public transit
5. At buffets, when no one is looking, I stick my finger in food and put it back
6. I can’t dance, so I pretend everyone who can (and does) is less cool than me
7. When someone asks me to get them a beer – I always shake it up before giving it to them
8. I talk to my nipples
9. My nipples write most of my songs
10. I pee in the shower, even if I’m not showering

So you see, dear reader, underneath this “Rock Star” exterior lies a man not unlike yourself. This perfectly manicured hair conceals a head full of mischief, tiny imperfections and even some disgusting habits. I tell you all of this so you will remember no matter how celebrated I become as a musician and artist, no matter how beautiful I may be on the outside… on the inside, I will always strive to be “real” – smelly and disgraceful – just like you.

Yours Truly,
Ben Everyman