A South Exit Through The Elephant Man

Adrenaline surges through your body, lending a clarity of mind only those close to death can appreciate. The south gate and the elephant creature are clearly the best avenue of escape. It seems strange you even needed to think about it. Cops have guns; the elephant guy has a ridiculous costume and a basketball. It is a basketball court. He’s probably just playing basketball for cripes sakes! This isn’t a Stephen King novel… he’s not a supernatural apparition, but he is in the way.

You storm the gate but he shows no sign of moving. Like a fleeing star in an action drama you drop your shoulder, preparing to plow through the elephant while shouting “Outta the way you senseless freak!” Connecting with him at full speed, he flies back, sprawling against the court’s chain link fence. The basketball bounces a few more times before coming to rest near his prostrate bulk. Tasting freedom, you laugh hysterically at the stupid mascot and his stupid face.

Remembering the cops, you run through back alleys and hurdling fences, stopping to catch your breath in an unkempt backyard. Seeking shelter from the passing sirens, you hide beneath a large shrubbery. Feeling no desire to face this surreal situation naked any longer, you carefully weigh your options.

From your vantage point in the magnificent shrubbery you see a nearby house that appears to be empty. Surely there must be some clothes inside? Stealing is wrong unless, like Robin Hood, the proceeds are given to the poor; well you can’t be much poorer than having no clothes or memory. After all, clothes can’t be conjured out of thin air, or can they? Drawing upon years of experience in contemporary arts and crafts classes, you take a closer look at the surrounding bush and realize a garment might be fashioned from its supple and tender fronds.