Cheese It
“This is just messed up,” you think, but there’s no time to reflect on the strangeness of naked-fist-fighting a police-officer-martial-arts-master – he’s advancing menacingly with fists raised. You can’t take on so lethal a fighter. Thinking quickly, you use an ancient distraction technique: “Is that an aboriginal peoples being repressed?” you yell pointing behind him.
“Where?” he says, turning away. Taking advantage of his aboriginal activism, you run across the busy street, unshod feet slapping the road, narrowly avoiding being hit by a bus. Hopping into a shallow waterlogged ditch, you crawl through the muck, choking on the dirty effluent, shiny and slick with the oil of a thousand cars. The only means of escape is a narrow culvert at the end of the ditch. Certain that Steven Seagal’s girth can’t follow, you squeeze through the opening and into the damp, frigid tunnel and the darkness within. Not a second too soon – the light at the entrance of the pipe is blocked out by an immense shape. Steven Seagal screams in rage, his steely hands grasping furiously at your slime slicked feet. Kicking and scrambling, you worm your way further into the dark until Steven Seagal is no more than a happy memory of your tasteless childhood fascination with ninjas and ponytails.
After an eternity of ceaseless slithering, a dim light appears at the end of the tunnel. Emerging into a cavernous room illuminated by burning trash-cans, you stretch your naked body, pleased with a clever escape. A group of people gather around a dais at the far end of the room. Sitting in a recliner (the kind with the flip out footstool favored by 1980’s patriarchs) a dirty man speaks: “Who are you and from whence do you come?”
“Where am I, and what are you filthy people doing in a sewer pipe?” you reply, advancing. As you approach his seat, the ragtag rabble closes in, eliminating any avenue of escape.
“I am Norm, king of the hobos. This is my kingdom and all in it are subject to my rule,” he says gesturing grandly, “All who come here must swear fealty to me or be banished to the dungeons.” He presents a filth encrusted hand and asks, “Will you kiss this ring and become my bondsman?”
Grave and unsanitary choices lay before you.
KISS THE RING – CLICK HERE
CHOICE DISABLED: Buy the album Deprecado for a chance to change your fate. Comes with an instant e-book download with new endings and illustrations… GET IT NOW